New York Times Bestseller • From the "best advice columnist of her generation” (Esquire) comes a hilarious, frank, and witty collection of all-new responses, plus a few greatest hits from the beloved "Ask Polly" column in New York magazine’s The Cut.

Should you quit your day job to follow your dreams? How do you rein in an overbearing mother? Will you ever stop dating wishy-washy, noncommittal guys? Should you put off having a baby for your career?

Heather Havrilesky is here to guide you through the “what if’s” and “I don’t knows” of modern life with the signature wisdom and tough love her readers have come to expect. Whether she’s responding to cheaters or loners, lovers or haters, the anxious or the down-and-out, Havrilesky writes with equal parts grace, humor, and compassion to remind you that even in your darkest moments you’re not alone.

Author’s Note

In the fall of 2012, I pitched an existential advice column to The Awl, a website that publishes smart, original takes on modern culture. At the time, I was a regular contributor to the New York Times Magazine, writing mostly essays about pop culture, and I had a column called the Best-Seller List in Bookforum. I’d spent seven years as a TV critic for Salon.com, I’d written a cartoon called Filler for Suck.com (the Internet’s first daily website!) for five years before that, and I’d answered advice letters on my own blog as early as 2001.

But this was something new. I’d never dished up advice to a wider audience. When The Awl’s co-founder, Choire Sicha, said yes to my idea, he made it clear that the column could be anything I wanted it to be. But what did I want it to be? Obviously, I had all kinds of outspoken, sometimes unwelcome advice to offer friends, family, and complete strangers alike. I’d been handing out unsolicited advice for years. But did I want the column to be funny? Did I want to use the column to rail against the scourge of passivity and avoidance in modern relationships or to address our culture’s burdensome fixation on constant self-improvement? Did I want to sneak in some commentary on troubled friendships, Kanye West, weddings, rescue dogs, luxe brands, commitmentphobic men, property ownership, the artist’s life, pushy mothers-in-law, or Game of Thrones?

As it turned out, I wanted to do all of these things, and eventually I did. But when I was sitting down to write my first weekly column, I just felt scared. “Who do I think I am, giving other people advice?” I thought. “I’m not qualified for this! I don’t have it all figured out. What the hell am I doing?”

I’ve been asking myself that same question every week for four years now. And when Stella Bugbee, the editorial director for New York magazine’s website The Cut, approached me about taking my advice column over to her site, I wondered what she was thinking. Sure, this meant a much larger audience for Ask Polly and more money for me. But did she really know what she was signing on to? “You know my column is three thousand words long every week, and half of those words are ‘fuck,’ right?” I asked her. Somehow, this didn’t scare her off.

I don’t always feel qualified to guide other people to a better life. As a writer, even when I’m sitting down to start a book review or a cultural essay, as I’ve done professionally for years now, the blank page mocks me. “What could you possibly have to say?” it asks. “When are you going to give this up and do something useful with your life?” The blank page can be a real asshole sometimes.

Still, nothing I do brings me more happiness than writing Ask Polly. I’m not always sure of the right answer for any letter, whether someone is dealing with depression and anxiety, a go-nowhere job, a series of not-quite boyfriends, or an overly critical parent. But I do know for certain that when I reach out as far as I can to another person, using my words—my awkward, angry, uplifting, uncertain, joyful, clumsy words (half of which are still “fuck”)—some kind of magic happens. There is magic that comes from reaching out. I don’t believe in many things, but I believe in that, with all of my heart.

A Best Book of the Year
NPR * Esquire * Harper’s Bazaar * Nylon * The Huffington Post * PopSugar

"Funny, staggering, no-bullshit sculptures of insight." —Leslie Jamison, Paris Review

“Under her Ask Polly moniker, Havrilesky dishes radically honest, no-nonsense advice tempered with self-deprecating humor, gleeful profanity, and an unfettered voice.” —Los Angeles Times

“The best advice columnist of her generation.” —Esquire

“There’s something nourishing in every column. . . . But sometimes [Havrilesky] writes things that are like opening up the fridge and finding the universe inside.” —The Atlantic

“Warm and charismatic. . . . Genuinely humorous and compelling. . . . Polly gets it.” —The New York Times Book Review

"With vicious wit and merciless accuracy, [Havrilesky] isolates motivations, redirects anxious and defeatist energy, and delivers specific, usually hilarious, instructions." —The Paris Review

“If you are even a little bit interested in people and the world, then this book will interest you. And if you think you aren’t interested in people or the world, then you should read this book anyway because it might surprise you by proving that there’s a lot to reward such interest—and compassion and empathy—after all.” —Chicago Tribune

“[Havrilesky] is part Buddha and part Amy Schumer: Wise, whip-smart, and profanely funny.” —Entertainment Weekly

“On one hand, [Havrilesky] will shake you by the shoulders and tell you the truth. On the other, she’s the friend rooting you on, cursing (creatively) all the way. . . . Havrilesky abandons the prim and proper and instead delivers delightfully offbeat wisdom with a side of straight talk.” —NPR Books

“A comfort to read. . . . There is real love behind [Havrilesky’s] tough love. . . . Even if you feel you’re not in need of advice yourself, you will surely value Havrilesky’s astute social commentary.” —San Francisco Chronicle

“Irresistible. . . . Alluringly wry. . . . [Others] promise to help us clean up our messes. But Havrilesky leans into the mess until it swallows her, its embrace resembling something like light.” —Slate

“Casual and pathologically sincere, like you’ve just stumbled into the most engaging conversation at a party after spending 30 minutes talking about the weather across the room.” —Vogue.com

“In moments of despair, Havrilesky’s elegant writing and rock-solid judgment can change your entire outlook. Read How to Be a Person in the World for the advice, but stay for the pure magic that is her perceptiveness and prose.” —Paper Magazine

HEATHER HAVRILESKY is the author of the memoir Disaster Preparedness. She has written for New York magazine, The New York Times Book Review, the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times Magazine, Bookforum, The New Yorker, NPR's All Things Considered, and several anthologies. She was a TV critic at Salon for seven years. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and a loud assortment of dependents, most of them nondeductible.

www.hhavrilesky.com View titles by Heather Havrilesky