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Crushing It

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From debut author Erin Becker comes an action-packed but tender novel about first romance, queer identity, and learning how to be brave when it matters the most.

On the soccer field, Magic Mel is in her element. She’s ready to lead her team to victory at the city championship in her new role as captain. Off the field, however, is a totally different story. Mel can’t get a handle on her class presentation, her friend group has completely dissolved, and her ex-friend-current-teammate, Tory, is being the worst. The only place she feels like herself is in her text conversations where she shares her secret poetry with BTtoYouPlease.

Tory McNally, on the other hand, is keeping everything together, thank you very much. So what if her mom is more preoccupied with her craft projects and new husband than her, or that she’s down to one IRL friend because of annoying, overly peppy “Magic” Mel? She’s perfectly fine, and even when she maybe isn’t, she’s got NotEmilyD to text with.

As the championships loom closer, everything around Mel and Tory starts to get more and more complicated: the dynamics on the field, the rift between their friend group, and, as they connect anonymously online, maybe even their feelings for each other . . .
Monday, October 2

(Twenty-One Days Before the Championship)

Mel
The ref calls me to the halfway line. It’s the last regular game of our eighth-​­grade soccer season, and we’re undefeated and unscored on. A win today will make us the top seed in next week’s quarterfinals.

Regular season. Quarterfinals. Semifinals. ­Eighth-​­Grade Girls’ City Championship. It’s the countdown I’ve been doing since the kickoff of our very first game this season. A win today means we’re one step closer to the big game, exactly three weeks from now. It also means that finally, finally, I’m just three games away from giving my team the perfect season we’ve dreamed of since everything got all messed up last year.

I jog to center circle, pumping my knees along the way. The ref and the Franklin captain wait at the halfway line.

“Name?” asks the ref.

I brush a flyaway behind my right ear. It flies away right back out.

“Melanie Jane Miller,” I say.

The ref points to the out‑­of‑­bounds lines, reminds us to keep our jerseys tucked in, and tells us that it’s our job as captains to set a good example of sportsmanship for our teammates. She pulls out a quarter.

“Heads or tails?”

“Heads,” says the Franklin captain.

“Tails,” I say.

The ref flips the coin. She opens her ­palm . . . and tails it is!

I choose the side that will keep the sun out of our goalkeeper Chloe’s eyes while she protects our goal. By halftime, that same sun will tuck below the pines that line this field, which is my second­favorite of all the fields in the world. Well, all the fields in Crooked Creek, Iowa, anyway. My ­most​­favorite is the field where we might—​no, will—​play the championship, which has the shiniest bleachers and brightest scoreboard and springiest grass of any field I’ve ever played on.

I turn and give Chloe a big thumbs­up. The ref coughs. I turn back around.

“All right,” she says. “Have a nice game, girls. Good luck to you both.”

We all shake hands. I jog toward the huddle, thinking how every game, the ref asks my name. Names say something about you. But they also say nothing about you.

Names are weird. People should talk about that more.

Because now you know my name. But maybe, if you really wanted to know me, I could tell you my stats instead: oh‑point-​seven goals per game, eight assists this season, lucky thirteen on my back since second grade.

Or I could tell you my team’s nickname for me: Magic Mel. My best friend, Rima, made it up, and all my teammates use it now. Well, all my teammates except Tory, who says she doesn’t like it and only ever uses it in a mean, jokey way. (She doesn’t like a lot of things, though, so it sort of doesn’t count. That’s one of the reasons we’re not friends anymore.)

Or I could tell you what I look like. Captain’s armband, bright green jersey half ­untucked—​­oops, sorry, ­ref—​­and my messy blond ponytail, flyaways always flying. Tall white socks with faded grass streaks not quite washed out. And these things my mom calls “new womanly curves,” which I mostly just try to ignore.

Or I could tell you that soccer smell is my favorite. Humid ground and that sharp, sweaty stench of our soccer bags, pretty strong even on this ­crispy-​­wind October day. ­Fresh-​­cut orange slices wobbling in a Pyrex. ­Sticky-​­sweet Gatorade that Coach stirs with a track baton. Tory doesn’t like that, either. She says it’s “unhygienic.” But I’ve seen her drink it anyway.

Or I could tell you about my best friend, Rima, who’s standing there in her stretchy white sport hijab, holding two cups of Coach’s Gatorade, one for her and one for me.

“You ready, Magic Mel?” Rima hands me a cup, like she has before every game since second grade.

“I’m ready.”

“Let’s do this, then.” She reaches out and tries to brush the flyaway behind my ear.
But it keeps escaping. And it’s still there, flying in my face, even after she tucks it back twice. I pat it, then shrug.

“It’s not gonna stay, you know.”

“I know,” Rima says. “But I can’t help it!”

She laughs as we tap our cups. I slide my arm around my best friend’s shoulder, and she slides her arm around mine. Everything has been a little strange since our big fight with Tory last year, when the Fearsome Foursome—​Rima, Mel, Tory, Chloe—became two separate twosomes: Rima and Mel, Tory and Chloe.

But at least when we’re on the field, it all feels better.

That’s the other thing I could tell you. Maybe that’s the best thing I could tell you: that the field is my favorite place, my cozy home, my galaxy of possibility. It’s the only place I can really be myself.

At least, that’s what I’ve always thought.

Tory
I smooth one final wrinkle out of my uniform, which I steamed this morning because I’m gonna win this game looking good. I scoot up my socks and check to make sure they’re the exact same height. Then, using selfie mode on my phone, I dab one last bit of SPF 50 onto my cheeks. I’m giving my all on the field today. Of course. But I won’t let it mess up this dewy­pale thing I’ve got going on.

Mel just won the coin toss (at least she can do something right), which means it’s almost time to take the field. Over on the sidelines, Terrance jumps up and down. He pumps his hands. His locs fly.

“C’mon, Big T! Let’s go, Crooked Creek!”

My eighteen​­year​­old ​­stepbrother is very enthusiastic about my soccer games for someone who’s only been my stepbrother for a little more than a year. I wish he was that enthusiastic about not fighting 24‑7 with my stepdad.

Chloe’s got her keeper gloves in one hand. She holds out the other for a high five. “Good luck today. You nervous?”

“It’s not about luck.” I ignore her hand. “And I don’t do nervous.”

Chloe grins, hand still up. The grin is half you’re ridiculous, half you’re my best friend and I love you. That’s the expression she gives me most of the time.

“Okay, okay.” I high-​five her. Then I hold up my little sunscreen tube. “Need some?”

“Took care of it on the way over.” Chloe tucks the gloves between her knees and loops her long braids into a low pony. “One step ahead of you, like always.”

I roll my eyes. “We’ll see who’s one step ahead when the whistle blows.”

We join the huddle and put our hands in the middle with everyone else’s.

“All right, girls,” Coach says. “Give it your all today. Crooked Creek on three.”

One. Two. Three.

“Crooked Creek!” We point our fingers up to the sky.

I jog to my spot as center midfielder. On the sidelines, Terrance cups his hands around his mouth. “You’ve got this, Big T!”

I’m a small person. Terrance is a big person. It’s completely ridiculous that he calls me Big T. But secretly I kind of like it.

I’ve always felt like a big person squished into a small body. It makes me wonder if he can see that, even though he’s just a weird teenage boy I still barely feel like I know.

“Goooooooo, Big T!” Terrance yells, louder now.

I keep pretending not to see him. But I smile just a little when I look the other way.
A Junior Library Guild Selection

"In this dynamic, touching, and authentic novel about the complexities of crushes, two former friends navigate the breakup of their friend group—the "Fearsome Foursome"—even as they unwittingly develop crushes on each other on an anonymous online school forum. . .Debut author Erin Becker skillfully takes on the middle-school tensions that arise when families, friends, sports teams, and love interests seemingly conspire to undermine us. Becker has convincingly captured the all-over-the-map feelings of middle-school relationships and created characters who are complex, sincere humans." —Shelf Awareness, starred review

"Two eighth grade soccer players manage messy families, fractured friendship, and confusing feelings in Becker’s charming debut, a delight for fans of realistic, emotionally deep novels. Becker lines up relatable problems and believably conflicted choices alongside a tender, slow-building romance and intense soccer matches." —Publishers Weekly

"[With] natural suspense and excitement...this fun, enemies-to-lovers lesbian middle-grade plot should appeal to fans and non-fans of soccer alike." —Booklist

"An authentic, character driven look at self doubt and identity." —School Library Journal

“Affirming family and friends surround the main characters as they struggle with changing relationships and insecurities about their identities. Fluttering romantic tension and fast, suspenseful pace...an engaging premise.” —Kirkus Reviews

"Erin Becker's Crushing It is an exceptional debut that explores the way friendships change during middle school. Mel and Tory are relatable characters, and their stories weave together so perfectly as both girls find their voices and footing, on the soccer field and off. This book has my whole heart and will resonate with so many readers." —A. J. Sass, award-winning author of Ellen Outside the Lines and Ana on the Edge
© Tina Leu
Erin Becker (she/her) is an author and marketer living in Washington, DC. She grew up in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, was a Morehead-Cain scholar at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and holds her MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Crushing It is her first novel. When she’s not writing, you can find her at the gym, or occasionally playing soccer (though not nearly as well as Mel and Tory). Learn more and connect with Erin at erinbecker.me. View titles by Erin Becker

About

From debut author Erin Becker comes an action-packed but tender novel about first romance, queer identity, and learning how to be brave when it matters the most.

On the soccer field, Magic Mel is in her element. She’s ready to lead her team to victory at the city championship in her new role as captain. Off the field, however, is a totally different story. Mel can’t get a handle on her class presentation, her friend group has completely dissolved, and her ex-friend-current-teammate, Tory, is being the worst. The only place she feels like herself is in her text conversations where she shares her secret poetry with BTtoYouPlease.

Tory McNally, on the other hand, is keeping everything together, thank you very much. So what if her mom is more preoccupied with her craft projects and new husband than her, or that she’s down to one IRL friend because of annoying, overly peppy “Magic” Mel? She’s perfectly fine, and even when she maybe isn’t, she’s got NotEmilyD to text with.

As the championships loom closer, everything around Mel and Tory starts to get more and more complicated: the dynamics on the field, the rift between their friend group, and, as they connect anonymously online, maybe even their feelings for each other . . .

Excerpt

Monday, October 2

(Twenty-One Days Before the Championship)

Mel
The ref calls me to the halfway line. It’s the last regular game of our eighth-​­grade soccer season, and we’re undefeated and unscored on. A win today will make us the top seed in next week’s quarterfinals.

Regular season. Quarterfinals. Semifinals. ­Eighth-​­Grade Girls’ City Championship. It’s the countdown I’ve been doing since the kickoff of our very first game this season. A win today means we’re one step closer to the big game, exactly three weeks from now. It also means that finally, finally, I’m just three games away from giving my team the perfect season we’ve dreamed of since everything got all messed up last year.

I jog to center circle, pumping my knees along the way. The ref and the Franklin captain wait at the halfway line.

“Name?” asks the ref.

I brush a flyaway behind my right ear. It flies away right back out.

“Melanie Jane Miller,” I say.

The ref points to the out‑­of‑­bounds lines, reminds us to keep our jerseys tucked in, and tells us that it’s our job as captains to set a good example of sportsmanship for our teammates. She pulls out a quarter.

“Heads or tails?”

“Heads,” says the Franklin captain.

“Tails,” I say.

The ref flips the coin. She opens her ­palm . . . and tails it is!

I choose the side that will keep the sun out of our goalkeeper Chloe’s eyes while she protects our goal. By halftime, that same sun will tuck below the pines that line this field, which is my second­favorite of all the fields in the world. Well, all the fields in Crooked Creek, Iowa, anyway. My ­most​­favorite is the field where we might—​no, will—​play the championship, which has the shiniest bleachers and brightest scoreboard and springiest grass of any field I’ve ever played on.

I turn and give Chloe a big thumbs­up. The ref coughs. I turn back around.

“All right,” she says. “Have a nice game, girls. Good luck to you both.”

We all shake hands. I jog toward the huddle, thinking how every game, the ref asks my name. Names say something about you. But they also say nothing about you.

Names are weird. People should talk about that more.

Because now you know my name. But maybe, if you really wanted to know me, I could tell you my stats instead: oh‑point-​seven goals per game, eight assists this season, lucky thirteen on my back since second grade.

Or I could tell you my team’s nickname for me: Magic Mel. My best friend, Rima, made it up, and all my teammates use it now. Well, all my teammates except Tory, who says she doesn’t like it and only ever uses it in a mean, jokey way. (She doesn’t like a lot of things, though, so it sort of doesn’t count. That’s one of the reasons we’re not friends anymore.)

Or I could tell you what I look like. Captain’s armband, bright green jersey half ­untucked—​­oops, sorry, ­ref—​­and my messy blond ponytail, flyaways always flying. Tall white socks with faded grass streaks not quite washed out. And these things my mom calls “new womanly curves,” which I mostly just try to ignore.

Or I could tell you that soccer smell is my favorite. Humid ground and that sharp, sweaty stench of our soccer bags, pretty strong even on this ­crispy-​­wind October day. ­Fresh-​­cut orange slices wobbling in a Pyrex. ­Sticky-​­sweet Gatorade that Coach stirs with a track baton. Tory doesn’t like that, either. She says it’s “unhygienic.” But I’ve seen her drink it anyway.

Or I could tell you about my best friend, Rima, who’s standing there in her stretchy white sport hijab, holding two cups of Coach’s Gatorade, one for her and one for me.

“You ready, Magic Mel?” Rima hands me a cup, like she has before every game since second grade.

“I’m ready.”

“Let’s do this, then.” She reaches out and tries to brush the flyaway behind my ear.
But it keeps escaping. And it’s still there, flying in my face, even after she tucks it back twice. I pat it, then shrug.

“It’s not gonna stay, you know.”

“I know,” Rima says. “But I can’t help it!”

She laughs as we tap our cups. I slide my arm around my best friend’s shoulder, and she slides her arm around mine. Everything has been a little strange since our big fight with Tory last year, when the Fearsome Foursome—​Rima, Mel, Tory, Chloe—became two separate twosomes: Rima and Mel, Tory and Chloe.

But at least when we’re on the field, it all feels better.

That’s the other thing I could tell you. Maybe that’s the best thing I could tell you: that the field is my favorite place, my cozy home, my galaxy of possibility. It’s the only place I can really be myself.

At least, that’s what I’ve always thought.

Tory
I smooth one final wrinkle out of my uniform, which I steamed this morning because I’m gonna win this game looking good. I scoot up my socks and check to make sure they’re the exact same height. Then, using selfie mode on my phone, I dab one last bit of SPF 50 onto my cheeks. I’m giving my all on the field today. Of course. But I won’t let it mess up this dewy­pale thing I’ve got going on.

Mel just won the coin toss (at least she can do something right), which means it’s almost time to take the field. Over on the sidelines, Terrance jumps up and down. He pumps his hands. His locs fly.

“C’mon, Big T! Let’s go, Crooked Creek!”

My eighteen​­year​­old ​­stepbrother is very enthusiastic about my soccer games for someone who’s only been my stepbrother for a little more than a year. I wish he was that enthusiastic about not fighting 24‑7 with my stepdad.

Chloe’s got her keeper gloves in one hand. She holds out the other for a high five. “Good luck today. You nervous?”

“It’s not about luck.” I ignore her hand. “And I don’t do nervous.”

Chloe grins, hand still up. The grin is half you’re ridiculous, half you’re my best friend and I love you. That’s the expression she gives me most of the time.

“Okay, okay.” I high-​five her. Then I hold up my little sunscreen tube. “Need some?”

“Took care of it on the way over.” Chloe tucks the gloves between her knees and loops her long braids into a low pony. “One step ahead of you, like always.”

I roll my eyes. “We’ll see who’s one step ahead when the whistle blows.”

We join the huddle and put our hands in the middle with everyone else’s.

“All right, girls,” Coach says. “Give it your all today. Crooked Creek on three.”

One. Two. Three.

“Crooked Creek!” We point our fingers up to the sky.

I jog to my spot as center midfielder. On the sidelines, Terrance cups his hands around his mouth. “You’ve got this, Big T!”

I’m a small person. Terrance is a big person. It’s completely ridiculous that he calls me Big T. But secretly I kind of like it.

I’ve always felt like a big person squished into a small body. It makes me wonder if he can see that, even though he’s just a weird teenage boy I still barely feel like I know.

“Goooooooo, Big T!” Terrance yells, louder now.

I keep pretending not to see him. But I smile just a little when I look the other way.

Reviews

A Junior Library Guild Selection

"In this dynamic, touching, and authentic novel about the complexities of crushes, two former friends navigate the breakup of their friend group—the "Fearsome Foursome"—even as they unwittingly develop crushes on each other on an anonymous online school forum. . .Debut author Erin Becker skillfully takes on the middle-school tensions that arise when families, friends, sports teams, and love interests seemingly conspire to undermine us. Becker has convincingly captured the all-over-the-map feelings of middle-school relationships and created characters who are complex, sincere humans." —Shelf Awareness, starred review

"Two eighth grade soccer players manage messy families, fractured friendship, and confusing feelings in Becker’s charming debut, a delight for fans of realistic, emotionally deep novels. Becker lines up relatable problems and believably conflicted choices alongside a tender, slow-building romance and intense soccer matches." —Publishers Weekly

"[With] natural suspense and excitement...this fun, enemies-to-lovers lesbian middle-grade plot should appeal to fans and non-fans of soccer alike." —Booklist

"An authentic, character driven look at self doubt and identity." —School Library Journal

“Affirming family and friends surround the main characters as they struggle with changing relationships and insecurities about their identities. Fluttering romantic tension and fast, suspenseful pace...an engaging premise.” —Kirkus Reviews

"Erin Becker's Crushing It is an exceptional debut that explores the way friendships change during middle school. Mel and Tory are relatable characters, and their stories weave together so perfectly as both girls find their voices and footing, on the soccer field and off. This book has my whole heart and will resonate with so many readers." —A. J. Sass, award-winning author of Ellen Outside the Lines and Ana on the Edge

Author

© Tina Leu
Erin Becker (she/her) is an author and marketer living in Washington, DC. She grew up in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, was a Morehead-Cain scholar at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and holds her MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Crushing It is her first novel. When she’s not writing, you can find her at the gym, or occasionally playing soccer (though not nearly as well as Mel and Tory). Learn more and connect with Erin at erinbecker.me. View titles by Erin Becker