1Welcoming BabyWhat You Need to Know in the First Few MonthsThe arrival of a baby is a momentous occasion, a landmark event never forgotten by those who have experienced it. A newly expectant parent may be shocked by the news that a baby is on the way. They may be thrilled that the months—or years—of fertility treatments, pregnancy tests, and “trying” are finally over. They may have chosen to adopt and are nervous and excited to bring that child home. Whatever your path to parenthood, this is a momentous event. Your life as an independent, spontaneous person will change: Baby is coming.
Most adults find that welcoming an infant to the family, no matter how anticipated and dearly loved that infant may be, brings changes that take some getting used to. Adult relationships must flex and adapt, making room for a new addition. Schedules and priorities change, as does Mom’s body. Babies can be perplexing little people, operating by rules known only to them—and each comes with their own unique set of rules. Some parents are blessed with an “easy” first baby and are then shocked and mystified when their second baby is not so easy. Others begin with a “challenging” baby and are pleasantly surprised when their second baby is “easier.”
The first few months of your new baby’s life may be exhausting, exhilarating, and challenging, all at once. It may be hard to believe, but one day you will look back at these demanding days and sleepless nights with nostalgia and realize how quickly things change. But for now, those musings lie far in the future.
Setting the Stage for BabyClose your eyes for just a moment and think back to the first time you saw your newborn’s face. Your baby may have been red, bald, and wrinkled, but chances are you felt you’d never seen anything more beautiful or heard anything sweeter than (or possibly as dismaying as) baby’s first cries. Writers and painters have tried to capture the magic of those first moments of life, but words and pictures are rarely powerful enough to convey what happens between parent and child.
For most parents, the months leading up to the miraculous moment when you hold your child in your arms are filled with plans, dreams, and a few worries. In reflective moments, you probably wondered whether you would be a good parent, whether you’d know what to do, whether the baby would be “all right.” Expectant parents talk endlessly about the relative merits of cloth and disposable diapers, of nursing and formula feeding, of store-bought and homemade baby food. They discuss names for hours, saying them aloud to see how they fit.
New parents buy and are given impossibly tiny garments and mysterious articles with odd names like “receiving blanket.” They wonder if they’ll somehow know what to do with them (both the babies and the blankets) when the time comes. They purchase and ponder over the fascinating gadgetry of babyhood: car seats, carriers, cribs, pacifiers, bottles, breast pumps, rockers, and monitors. The grandparents “tsk-tsk” as they point out that millions of children were raised without all these gadgets, or they rush out to buy even more dazzling ones. In this age of consumerism, with so many adorable clothes and such tempting equipment available, who can possibly resist? This is a time for endless dreaming; a time for hope and wonder.
Fantasy Versus RealitySometimes, though, your dreams may fade a bit in the harsh light of reality. The baby cries, sometimes for hours, and it’s up to you to figure out why. Or the little darling sleeps all day, then gurgles happily all night, much to the dismay of their sleep-deprived parents. You now understand why the hospital nurse only smiled when you asked how often to wake up your baby! Babies seem to be born with a detector that lets them know when Mom wants to eat, so they can interrupt with a need of their own. The baby spits up when you’re dressed to go out, may have several bowel movements in a single night, and sometimes cries angrily when handed to eager relatives.
From those first moments, parenting young children can become an avalanche of questions, anxieties, and frustrations, as well as an incredible source of love and joy. As that precious baby grows, develops, and changes, life can become a seemingly endless stream of challenging decisions and new ideas to be tested.
As your child grows, people in public places may smile knowingly or talk about the “terrible twos.” Many parents feel completely at the mercy of the adorable little tyrant their baby or toddler has become, while others seem confident and at ease handling meltdowns or constant interruptions.
How Will I Know What to Do?Most of us learn parenting skills from our parents or by trial and error. You may not like the way you were raised and vow to be different from your own parents, or you see others raising children and disagree with their choices. (Judging the parenting choices of others has become an international pastime.) But what should you do instead? You don’t want to be too strict, but is permissiveness the only alternative? You don’t want to be overly controlling—but how do you create order and consistency? You may worry that your mistakes will have too high a cost. You have so many questions: How do I communicate with an infant who doesn’t understand words? How do I get my child to listen? How do I handle a defiant toddler? How do I decide what’s really important? How can I help my child develop a sense of self-worth, while teaching them responsibility, honesty, and kindness? How do I take care of myself so I can relax and enjoy this experience?
Advice is in plentiful supply—grandparents, friends, social media influencers, and the lady behind you in line at the grocery store will have lots of it—but whose advice is right? Even the “experts” disagree. Some suggest punishment (even in the poorly disguised form of logical consequences), while others (including the authors and the latest brain research) suggest that punishment is not effective long-term. Some claim rewards are important. Others (including the authors and many researchers) believe rewards teach manipulation and a reduced sense of self-worth instead of valuable social and life skills. We believe in kindness and firmness at the same time and will teach you exactly what that looks like. It is our hope as authors, and as parents, that you will find answers in this book that will make sense to you, as well as clues to help you use your own wisdom, creativity, and knowledge of your child to go beyond what can be written in words.
This book is designed to be of use to both parents and their frequent partners in child rearing: childcare teachers, nannies, sitters, and relatives. Examples of home and childcare situations will be given throughout this book to show how the principles of Positive Discipline can be applied to all aspects of a young child’s life. Developmental information and research will be included wherever appropriate, along with information about the way babies and young children grow and learn.
Copyright © 2026 by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
