Fetishized

Introduction

An absurdly wealthy white male friend with a famous predilection for Asian women once told me, “I prefer Asian women, because if you line up a row of a hundred Asian women and a row of a hundred white women, the Asian group will be way more attractive than the white group.”

I rolled my eyes, thinking, Not true; it’s just that you, an Asiaphile, think practically all Asian women are beautiful. But I smiled and said nothing.

Even more recently, I wandered into a store on Melrose with a date. “You should wear this,” he said with a laugh, jokingly pointing to a dominatrix-style leather corseted bodysuit like something Lady Gaga would wear onstage. As we passed the register, I stopped to play with two handsome huskies, one pure white and one with an unusual dappled brown coat and cornflower-blue eyes.

“You know, this one can say ‘Ruff, I love you,’ ” said the dogs’ owner—a portly man in his sixties with wild, curly brown hair—as if to impress us. “Let me show you.”

He waved his hands in the air. Both dogs proceeded to howl, but not quite as he described.

“Where are you guys from?” he asked, seeming eager to chat. “I’m that rare LA native,” he added, referring to the fact that so many in Hollywood are hopeful transplants, chasing a silvery dream of fame or riches.

“Oh, me too,” I said. I grew up in Southern California, although more accurately, in the muggy Inland Empire.

“No, where are you from from,” he insisted.

I knew what he was asking and yet answered accordingly, not needing to make this a teachable moment. “My parents are from Taiwan.”

I held my breath in anticipation of what would drop out of his mouth next. My date hadn’t been familiar with the concept of the Asian fetish, and now he was observing it in the wild.

“Asian girls are the most beautiful women,” said the dog owner, gazing at me as if I were a glazed doughnut. Curious about what he would say next, I let him continue. “I want to start a class where Asian women teach Jewish women how to be the best wives. They could learn a thing or two. You ever heard of Gloria Steinem? Yeah, women’s liberation is the worst thing that ever happened to American women.”

Note that Asiaphiles often espouse that Asian women make the best wives, something you rarely hear out of the mouths of Asian men. The craziest thing about the Asian fetish is how confidently men announce it, with absolutely no shame and a good measure of pride.

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When I was growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, Asiaphiles were limited to creepy, pasty fifty-year-old men like the dog owner at the clothing store. Nowadays, with the popularity of K-pop and anime, and the increased visibility of Asian women in social media, TV, and film, it seems the Asian fetish has been accepted as mainstream. Handsome, tall hipsters with tattoos and famous musicians proudly proclaim their love for Asian women. It’s like everyone simply accepted that white men love Asian women, reminding me of the blog Stuff White People Like, which went viral in 2008, listing Asian girls as number eleven. Although the blog was meant to be satirical, it states, “95% of white males have at one point in their lives experienced yellow fever.” Yellow fever doubles as the name of an unwanted disease transmitted by mosquitoes, further derogating the term. Like mosquitos, fetishists suck the humanity out of Asian women, turning them into 2D sex objects. The “Asian Girls” entry has more than twenty-three thousand impassioned comments, whereas other blog posts average around a thousand comments. That blog post has become only more relevant today.

Today, Asiaphiles are everywhere I turn. Open up TikTok, turn on the radio, and I’m met with musicians flaunting their unfiltered appreciation for Asian women as if they were commodities rather than breathing women. Multiplatinum artist The Weeknd has been accused of having an Asian fetish, rapping, “Got a sweet Asian chick, she go lo mein,” reducing us to bodies and menu items. Asian women populate his music videos as sexually submissive props, while he’s been criticized for featuring few Black women. His effortless falsetto and slick beats belie a toxic masculinity and misogyny that fuses desire with dominance. The explicit version of his “Pretty” music video features graphic scenes of a naked Asian woman playing his girlfriend. When she cheats on him with another Black man, he shoots her during coitus in vicious revenge. This heinous scene is a brutal reminder that Asian women, no matter how desired and fetishized, are disposable.

The actor Donald Glover, aka the rapper Childish Gambino, is another artist accused of yellow fever. There’s a graph online titled “Analysis of Childish Gambino’s Use of Asians in His Lyrics,” analyzing each of his albums and how many times Asians are mentioned. Camp takes the lead with thirty-plus mentions. In that album, he directly addressed the accusation in his song “Kids (Keep Up)”:

But they say I got a fetish, nah, I’m skipping all of it

He goes on to explain that different rules and politics come into place when dating black or white girls. Translation: “White and Black girls are too complicated, too vocal, too opinionated”—statements Asiaphiles love to dish out. “Asian girls are sweeter, easier,” they say, but what they really mean is that they believe Asian women are docile and easy to mold to male desires. It’s a myth, a convenient fantasy, that removes our complexity and individuality and is used to pit us against other women. However, in an interview with HardKnock.tv, Glover explained that it’s just easier to be with Asian women because it’s simpler politically. When he dates Asians, no one blinks twice, whereas he faces judgment if he dates a white or Black woman.

True or not, on another track, the incredibly catchy “You See Me,” Glover further confirms his Asian favoritism by rapping in the chorus repeatedly, “Asian girls everywhere, UCLA.” Watching Glover’s magnetic live performance of the song at Brandeis University on YouTube, it’s hard not to feel flattered as he shouts this line. The crowd chants alongside him, roaring and throwing hands in the air as the lyrics are projected behind Glover. My knee-jerk response is “Yes! Asian girls are the best!” as if vindicated for the years growing up hungering for acceptance while invisible and undesired. But beneath that initial validation, I know the unfortunate truth: We’re not celebrated for our strength, humanity, and intelligence. We’re reduced to a fantasy fitting a male-dominance narrative.

The lyrics in the main verse of the song degrade us even further. Glover says that he doesn’t mind cumming on a girl’s face if he doesn’t love her, and affirms his preference for Asian women, rapping:

Forget these white girls

I need some variation

There’s even an albeit clever line, neatly tying together the Asian model minority myth and the hypersexualized submissive Asian trope, calling out Asian women overachievers who succeed, or “suck seed, referencing a blow job.”

Glover’s lyrics illustrate a curious trait seemingly unique to Asiaphiles, denigrating other races of women to prop up their Asian preference. His words suggest that white women are the standard and Asian women are the “variation,” othering Asian women in his fetishization, as fetishists have done throughout history. Overall, this nonsensical song is a strange ode to Asian women that simultaneously glorifies and objectifies them. He even randomly drops in half-Asian actress Olivia Munn’s name, stating he hopes he can hook up with her.

At face value, these mentions feel like compliments. Growing up, Asians were so invisible, objectification was better than nothing. It felt like we were elevated onto pedestals—hypersexualized, yes, but at least visible. Famous musicians think we’re hot! As a nineties kid listening to Guns N’ Roses and Skid Row, I couldn’t have imagined that my favorite rock stars—Sebastian Bach, Trent Reznor, Billy Corgan, Rivers Cuomo, and Perry Farrell—would have Asian wives.

Yellow fever seemed harmless enough. Couldn’t one argue these men just had a preference?

It’s a bit more complicated than that. I don’t believe that most men who date Asian women have a fetish. I’m also not accusing anyone of an Asian fetish if they fall in love with an Asian woman and also value her individuality, independence, and autonomy. Men often ask me what the difference is between a fetish and a preference. It’s difficult to answer; it’s truly a case-by-case basis, and the line between the two can be quite blurry. I want to stress again that not all white men who date an Asian woman have a fetish! But some important things to consider include: Does he value the Asian woman in question for her unique mind, thoughts, and passions, or is it purely about aesthetic, the mere fact that she’s Asian, or stereotypical personality traits? How much sexualization and objectification is at play? Is she someone who just happens to be Asian, or is he interested in her only because she’s Asian? Are Asian women interchangeable sex objects in his mind?